MORNING PAGES PART I

Thoughts Before Embarking on a New Practice

I learned about morning pages from a fellow writer friend, who shared her experience with the workbook "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron.  I have the book on my shelf, and I have yet to break the binding, being too nervous to embark on another attempt at a writing practice that I may not be able to stick with. A radical shift in my daily life could be one of the keys to better writing, and yet, I hesitate.  As I reflect on my life now, my schedule, and my writing ability, I realize that there is plenty of room for improvement, but am I ready? 

What may work

Writing Long-Handed

I love the feeling of writing with pen and paper—the dark ink staining the page—ideas, thoughts, and emotions become permanently etched and come alive. I prefer to write longhand with each initial idea, whether it be a rough outline of a novel or an idea for an article.  There is something more natural about pen and paper because of the natural materials they are made from. Yet, I find little time to journal. My practical mind reverts to digitalization and the typed-out, saved, copied, and more easily shared process that a computer offers. The idea of daily writing, both for muscle dexterity and practice, is promising, but I am uncertain if I can truly devote proper time to the practice.

I am also drawn to the connection of those who came before me, who didn't have computers or even typewriters to flesh out their ideas. For centuries, putting pen to paper has had a radical affect on mankind.  I humbly recognize that my name may not be one etched in history books, but I still want to leave my mark, literally. Having scratched notes and logbooks has longevity even if the style appears to be old-fashioned.

Better Routine

I am always looking for ways to distract myself from the ultimate distraction—social media. I wake up, and sometimes I do not want to read or get to work early on projects.  It may be that writing in the morning establishes a good routine and encourages a more consistent daily writing practice. But mornings are tricky. Sometimes the kids need me, or appointments fill the early hours. I am nervous about attempting another routine that will sizzle out before a month is out. I recently deleted Instagram from my phone and my hope is that without the distraction of scrolling through other peoples creations for inspiration, I will have more bandwidth and focus on my own work. 

Emotional and Creative Release

Writing more regularly at a set time could provide the emotional and creative release I need to become a better writer.  Lately, when I am overwhelmed and on sensory overload, writing has been a way to both process my emotions and help calm me down. Putting pen to paper in the midst of feeling out of control has been therapeutic. Perhaps with purpose, I can even push myself as a writer.

I also wonder at the thought of removing the predawn cobwebs and having fresh space to dig into my actual writing. Will it help to get the fruitless streams of consciousness down on paper, or will the practice wear me out before I even get started? Would the emotional release of writing at the beginning of the day prepare me for the day or add more stress?

What may not work

Streams of Consciousness

I asked my friend about what to write about in morning pages, and wondered if my pages would be a continuous repetition of the word “stress” over and over again.  She encouraged me that yes, sometimes thoughts will pour out with a word like “stress", but at some point, the mind moves on.  What causes me hesitation is the thought of having pages of nonsense, emptiness, and truly horrid writing even though, logically, I know that those pages are meant for publication. For some reason, the idea of writing out my streams of consciousness is intimidating.

I can imagine two scenarios of writing out what I am thinking, the first being that I write a bunch of nonsense and either a) I get the rough pages out of my system and improve as my daily writing goes on, or b) I write whatever is on my mind and get bogged down in the emotional process of it all.  A second scenario is that even if I write whatever comes to mind, will I have enough faith that at some point what first appears to be gibberish could turn into something useful, even if it is a stepping stone to some other writing. Either way, I wonder if I am willing to risk the attempt.

Morning Routine 

Mornings can be either a time of potential utility or complete chaos, depending on the week.  With children, it can be hard to predict who will wake and when plus what each child will need before they step outside for the school day. And yet, because of a late start time and my children being at an age where they can fend for themselves, there is ample opportunity for me to establish a writing routine.  And yet, I get nervous, because I have tried to utilize those precious morning hours for myself before, and it hasn't worked out.  

I am not a person who needs routine, but I do have a heightened sense of things.  Having a pot of tea and a quiet house sets me up for a day of creativity.  And yet, too often, upheaval from stress, overwrought emotions, a panic attack, a behavior regression from my kids, home repairs, and more can cause me to lose motivation. What I am trying to figure out is how to jot down my thoughts before I am in demand and do not have time for myself.

Consistency

Consistency has always been my struggle.  I have made too many attempts at routines, plans or rhythms and time after time, those good intentions of consistent creation have been thwarted.  I am working on ways to reduce the amount of distractions I could potentially face on any given day; however, there are many things beyond my control. I am always a mood writer as well as a reader.  Whatever draws my attention or develops a concept I have been involved in is going to receive more of my focus than work that needs to be done, but I have lost the passion to pursue it.

Another area I struggle with is balancing life as a writer with being a mother.  I want to find more ways in which those two worlds can work together, but this season of motherhood (while also practicing a second language) requires a great deal of endurance. Sometimes I don’t have the energy to develop characters or plots when I have domestic concerns.  

Bearing all these things in mind, could this be the moment to try something different and commit to the practice of writing each morning? Could this new writing practice be the spark I need to follow a much-desired and more disciplined writing rhythm? The answer remains to be seen.  I am hopeful and yet cautious, knowing myself and my life.  I do not expect this practice to be the one pivotal piece that puts everything together. Even so, this way of externally processing with pen and ink has the potential not only to influence my writing, but also my life as a whole.