TRAITS OF AN EMPATH - OVERWHELMED IN RELATIONSHIPS

Being overwhelmed as an Empath happens when you take on more emotional energy than your system can handle. This can occur from absorbing intense emotions, negative energy, or the cumulative weight of supporting others. The result is a deep sense of being drained, overwhelmed, and detached from your own well-being. This makes being in a committed relationship difficult.  Not just romantic relationships, having strong friendships can be draining in a similar but different way. It is essential to recognize when relationships, whether romantic or otherwise, are becoming overwhelming.

Reasons Empaths Find Themselves Overwhelmed in Relationships

1. ENDLESS PROBLEM SOLVING

• One way Empaths try to cope with connecting so deeply with others is by reducing their struggles through constantly seeking solutions to people’s problems. The body imagines that if more people’s issues were resolved, they wouldn't show as much negative emotion. There are several issues with this: first, becoming overly involved in others' lives is invasive and meddlesome. Second, the true reason for this intrusion is often not to help the other person feel better, but to maintain our emotional stability. When it comes to a partner, it's important to allow the other person to solve their own problems and regulate their emotions. Empaths become fatigued when they carry the emotional burden for two or become exhausted from trying to control too much. It's crucial to remember not to overly control others and to involve oneself in close relationships only with the intention of helping, not just to make our own lives easier.

2. THE IMPACT OF A BAD DAY

• People are remarkable creatures and can hide a lot of emotions, especially if they have been practicing avoidance for a long time. Sleep can become difficult for an Empath if they have a partner who does not share or express their struggles, whether it is a bad workday, a loss, or simply frustration. When a partner sleeps, their guard is down, and an empathic partner recognizes the overwhelming stress, leading to a bad night of constantly wondering what could be causing their partner's distress. Too many bad nights without quality sleep can lead to fatigue, irritability, and anxiety. Different households may look different, but it is important to establish a way for everyone to get a good night's rest.

3. EXCITEMENT IS CONTAGIOUS

• Sometimes it can be wonderful to have a partner who is excited about something. An empath can feed off that positive energy and maybe create a strong connection. However, empaths often act excited because their partner is excited, but they might not have been otherwise, either due to exhaustion or disinterest. It is very important for empaths to understand who they are before entering a long-term relationship and to develop the ability to say no. Sometimes, excitement is beneficial; it can help people get through struggles. But it becomes a challenge when an empath follows a partner only to people-please or because they don’t know who they are. This can lead to unexpected exhaustion and a need for space. Many find this difficult because society often tells us, “Everything is good, everyone is happy, why are you bothered?” As empaths, we have to protect our emotions and avoid getting caught up in what others think.

4. UNTRAINED AND UNFAMILIAR

• Solitude is a wonderful way to refresh and recharge after spending a lot of time around people, but living with a partner in the same house can sometimes make this difficult. Often, people whose spouses work from home or retire find themselves desperately looking for ways to get their partner out of the house. A home should not be the only sanctuary for an Empath. It's important to find places in the world that also refresh the mind and body. Finding safe places where you're less likely to absorb other people's emotions is essential. Many seek out nature for solitude, some find a quiet coffee shop, museums, bookstores, or exercise as ways to be alone, rest, and be out in the world.

5. MERGING AND DISAPPEARING

• More than others, Empaths tend to merge with or disappear into another person's personality. It is a beautiful thing to be deeply connected to a partner and feel as though you were meant for each other. However, it can become overwhelming if one or both people in a relationship feel smothered or claustrophobic. This is where codependency arises. Although having a deep connection is important, it is also crucial for Empaths not to always meet or fully absorb their partner's emotions. Maintaining some separation, whether physical—like taking a small trip—or mental, by training the mind not to get lost in the other person, is essential. An Empath, like anyone else, needs to preserve their own identity. 

Lessons I have learned about being an Empath in an intimate relationship:

1. I need to make time for myself.  This can be at home or in a safe place outside my house, but wherever it is, I need time for solitude.

2. Sometimes I need to sleep alone. This has nothing to do with my relationship but with the need to consistently get a good night's sleep.

3. I have to be honest with my spouse when I am overwhelmed and need a break.

4. I need a creative outlet. I need to do something that only I can do, which separates me from my spouse, and is not just about domestic responsibilities.

5. I need reminders that my spouse is devoted. A kind word or gesture reminds me that even when I have to push my spouse away, he still cares for me.

6. I need to remember my husband's feelings and make intentional time to listen to him, training myself not to absorb his emotions and recognize his needs. 

7. I need to continue to train myself to adapt to situations when I am overwhelmed, building my capacity so that when my spouse needs me, I can step up.

8. I am learning to say no.  When I am overwhelmed and my body is telling me to rest, I need to trust my intuition and make room for rest.

Writing while overwhelmed with relationships

It is helpful to know when I am overwhelmed. Fatigue, irritability, anxiety, and extreme tension are all signs of being overwhelmed, and whether my spouse caused it or not, he can take the brunt of my exhaustion.  If I'm tense with my spouse, my writing becomes disjointed and nonsensical, falling into the unusable.  It is essential to recognize when I am overwhelmed and schedule some much-needed rest.  A nap, a day off, or even a week is sometimes needed to regroup and recover.  

And yet, sometimes, the extra tension can lead to a rhythm of intense writing that is vivid, emotional, and pushes the limits of my story. I have to tread this path carefully because although I may write something brilliant, I am still tense, and I have to be careful not to take the stress out on my family.